You bring up some interesting points. I do agree that most four year olds are not able to temper themselves appropriately. There is likely judciousness required on the parent on whether or not your kid is ready to understand social decorum and when it can and can't be done. (and have the ability to stop it). I write a lot about the development of the prefrontal cortex, and yes- most kids aren't able to regulate their behavior in such a way. But some can - as my daughter has shown me.
I would argue that - a flat tire is still shitty whether or not you change it. You can react with lanague - and still participate in the solution to move forward.